Beware the Ducks

Eugh, so Flat Inspection was today and so I spent the morning at the Esplanade, swinging and jumping on the trampoline and taking pictures.

Also talking to myself, singing along to the iPod rather loudly, being paranoid about the ducks and being terrified of the Barrel of Doom.

I will not leave you all hanging and instead will give a blow by blow account of my morning.

First you should be aware that I haven't slept, I know this is a shocking and deeply surprising occurrence that is incredibly rare, as such I brought a can of Kaboom on my way.

As most of you will be now be aware when sleep deprived on caffeine I tend toward insanity and that was certainly true today.

I was by myself and yet managed to have several deep and meaningful conversations, I also referred to myself in plural several times, I think the only thing we should all be glad about is the fact that I was obviously quietly talking to myself or else there would be several mentally scarred children.

Me and Myself enjoyed an invigorating walk taking several pictures of the many things that fascinated us (there I go using plural for my single self) there were trees and leaves and flowers and BUNNIES! 

Of course the stupid fancy new phone decided that it's battery was going to die despite the fact that I needed the phone to be working so I could receive B-Dizzles message for when it was safe to come home and unfortunately none of us are well versed in smoke signals so that wasn't an option. 

Cursing my phone I went to the playground part of the Esplanade and proceeded to swing away my problems. Things I learnt are 1) you can't sing and swing if you want to be able to breath properly, 2) always choose the right swing my sit testing first, 3) Swing meditation is the best, just swing and be, everything else just sort of fades out. After a while I got tired of swinging not mentally but physically swinging is hard work so I went and jumped on the trampoline for a bit, then I lied down on the trampoline to cloud watch but there were no clouds so I went back to the swing. 

I was a bored of the swing by then so I thought I'd have a try in what have since been dubbed the Barrel of Doom, I'd seen little kids play in them before and I figured you know... how hard can it be? A stupid question. Very, is the answer. So for those who don't know the Barrel of Doom is like the prelude to a treadmill, you walk and the barrel rolls. What you may not know is that as you walk it gets faster. And you fall over. And it keeps going leading to you going up and sliding down and laughing like an idiot while simultaneously swearing at the pain in your butt and your wrist where you fell. Now a normal person would think ok I've been defeated by the Barrel of Doom I'm gonna stop. I didn't. I tried again. It went slightly better though I was was very discombobulated afterwards.

Then I decided to walk around a little more and have a look in the gardens. On my way there I came across a gathering of the Duck Army. Now many people say that I have a very irrational paranoia in regards to ducks, you know what I say to that? It's not paranoia if they really are plotting to overthrow the human regime and begin what I have coined as 'The Duckpocalypse'. Behind enemy lines, surrounded by their hellish armies, I made what may have been my last message warning mankind (and Pillow who mocks my perfectly rational suspicion) of the amassing duck army. They were every where, watching, plotting, quacking.

Thankfully I escaped with my life and proceeded to look at various pretty flowers. I took pictures of some and then my phone gave up the ghost and passed on. Once more cursing the stupid thing as I still had not received the all clear from B-Dizzle I proceeded onwards in my wandering, eventually I found myself in the rose garden, wishing I had a camera because of all the pretty colours and the images I could have captured.

Eventually I headed for home, where B-Dizzle assured me that the Inspection had happened and was over. 

Wasn't that exciting?

I like the Esplanade. I like sleep more. But not philosophy. Colours are pretty. My phones camera not so much.

Meh.

Currently Listening to: Kelly Clarkson- Dark side

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I have a lot of deep Philosophical questions, most predominant currently is Where did the Chocolate go? I'm sure I never ate it.

What am I doing with my life? No seriously? I've spent the past couple of days reading Gundam Wing fanfic and sitting on my sweet patootie. I mean I've had a good reason... it's been raining so even though we have a Flat Inspection coming up I couldn't go outside and do the jobs that need doing... or at least that's what I've been telling myself, in truth my sleep took a turn for the worst and I haven't been awake enough in the daytime to be able to do things. My Counsellor mentioned a hormone or something that's suppose to aid with sleep so 
I'm going to see about that but I dunno. 

What else is up with me... I've been pretty unmotivated as per usual, though I did weed the back gardens and clean the bathroom, my room and organise the book shelf we moved into the hallway so that's something. Yesterday was Imbolc and I slept through most of it. It's the first day of spring in the Northern Hemisphere so thats a fun little fact for people.

I should probably update all the (non existent) people who are interested, I failed in regards to NaNoWriMo, all the good intentions none of the motivation though I did compile a very interesting Bleach fanfic in my head. I dunno how I'm going to write my novel out when I'm so shit at fight scenes I mean I can see it all in my head and it's truly beautiful but then I write it down and it's all "she flipped over his head and like turned around in the flip so she was facing him and it happened really fast so he couldn't tell..." which isn't great for keeping the attention.

I have a complaint. I have a tumblr, I very rarely use it because it's filled with people that seem to revel in being angry about something, show them something that pleases you and they will pick it apart until it's all just shit. I'm pretty sure it's filled with English teachers, you know like "oh the author meant this and this symbolises this" the author didn't mean any of that you're just seeing that because that's what you want to see, now don't get me wrong I was doing a major in English I love it, I love looking at a poem and being like "ah hah hah hah feel all the meanings that I have discovered" but thats poetry which is filled with hidden meanings Poetry is to English what a Tomb is to Lara Croft or Indiana Jones, it's filled with traps and treasures and hidden parts that need to be uncovered and it tells you a ton if you know where to look. 
Novels, however, are something that aren't suppose to be picked apart, I mean yeah they can be and yeah there often is a lot of hidden meaning but most authors writing a novel are more interested (speaking for myself as an aspiring Novelist) in telling the story and having people be like "ohh this happened and this guy sucks". 
Back to my point Tumblr likes to tear things apart to find a point that isn't there or to blow shit way out of proportion, and I get that there's a lot of inequality and shit human beings in the world but being an unequal shit human isn't going to make it better, even if you're doing it from the opposing side. If you want equality you can just automatically discard people who oppose you or are from a different standing that's exactly how the inequality started. It's not an issue of who's better it's an issue of being equals. 
If someone makes a statement about how say feminism makes them uncomfortable you don't go around saying that they're a male pig or something or that they've been programmed by men to think things like that, you look at what you're doing and wonder why is feminism making this person uncomfortable, because trust me it doesn't make me uncomfortable because I'm a dude I'm pretty freaking sure that I have to strap a bra on everyday and that my period comes regularly, no feminism makes me uncomfortable because a lot of feminists aren't about having men and women standing on equal ground, they're about having women standing on top of men to pay them back in some way for the repression they feel that women have had to deal with. I'll just say now two wrongs don't make a right, two wrongs leads to you heading backwards, going in the exact opposite direction to the one you say you want to be heading in. What we need is understanding, what we need is for people to stop being so shit to each other to stop looking at one another and thinking he's/she's black/white/Korean/Jamaican/gay/straight/Whatever and instead to look at each other and be like they're human and as such they deserve the exact same rights as me. 

Anyway I've ranted enough.

Currently Listening to: Best Mashup Mix 2014 Vol. 1
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It's January why in Gotham are you selling Easter eggs?

Ah le New Year... tis sunny. Thus far it seems like it's going to be another year where my luck is fucked. But positivity and all that.

Good news. I updated my fanfic... both of them in fact, so that's a 'Yay me!'

Uhm other good news, there's been good music thus far this year... I got a fancy new phone for Christmas. Pillow has an xbox 360 and we have been gaming and cutting down on our near physical attachment to the internet and so huzzah!

In other news, the last month of last year was spent complaining about increasingly small amounts of money, buying Christmas presents, and going home.
B-Dizzle, Pillow and I enjoyed our last night here before Christmas with two bottles of Riccadonna Asti and Noodles and Dumplings, we exchanged Christmas presents, wrapped the ones that were being given to other people and admittedly got a leetle schloshed. My hometown was as brimming with expectations as usual, and I went to Pillows a few days after Christmas to celebrate her birthday, the big two-one as it were.


On New Years Day we bundled all of our loot into Dave (B-Dizzles car) and returned triumphantly alive to our humble little abode. The cat was pleased to see us though a little pissed that we'd all left her. Witness her sulking on the table, not best pleased with the fact that our return heralded a great upheaval in her otherwise well organised life. Poor Kitty... just the teensiest bit spoilt.
In celebration of the New Year, (which we spent dancing around to music and socialising with each other) Pillow decided that she wanted a change and so we have once more shuffled things around in our lounge, admittedly it looks really good but I'm just terrible with change.


Right that's all I can think of to talk about now so I'm off

Currently Listening to: Avicii- The Nights
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Frankenfurters are they a place or a type of sausage? These are important life questions.

I like pie. Mm pie. Today was s very big day. Huge. 
I went to the Doctor, got blood taken, got a prescription of vitamin D supplements, dropped my medical certificate at Work and Income, by the time I got back home I was exhausted.
What else have I been up to? Hm, I'm still reading the Big Ideas in Brief, I'm up to Reincarnation in the Religion section. Sometimes I have to take breaks because it hurts my brain.
I've been reading Nightwing comics, Red Hood and the Outlaws comics, Deadpool comics and Nora Roberts books, along with the Diamond Brothers books that I got from the library.
I've only pined for my Sims five times this week... which considering it's Wednesday is less than it could be. I just see something or read something and I want to make it on Sims... but I can't. Which makes life very sad.
I have spoken to my mother! Finally. Go me. My sisters partner is looking for a desktop for me, so Sims are in my future, currently distant, but closer than before.
Hmm what else? I've been plotting Christmas presents, and mentally thinking of which Christmas carols I want to listen to, I have to do it with the headphones in since Pillow doesn't like Christmas songs but hey that's how I listen to Fun. and country music too so it's fine.
Impinging is an interesting word, im-ping-ing, it sounds funky. Impinge.
I've started reading the Detective Conan manga... it's strangely addicting, you start and you try to solve all the cases before him, and pick up all the clues but you always miss some. I really like the relationships that are portrayed, like theres Shinichi (the main character) and Ran who are best friends that are in love with each other, theres Ran's relationship with Conan (Shinichi as a six year old) which is kind of like an older sister figure but there are the undertones of how she sort of knows he's Shinichi but can't prove it, there's Ran's relationship with her father Kogoro and there's Conan's relationship with him which involves a lot of mutual looking down on, Kogoro thinks Conan's a child who needs to butt out of the investigations while Conan knows that he's the one really solving all the cases. There's also Conan(Shinichi)'s relationship with Heiji Hattori, a fellow high school detective who figured out who he was, and the relationship he has with several of his classmates along with a scientist who took the same drug he did and was shrunk too. There's also his relationship with his parents (which amuses me so much) and his relationship with his neighbour Professor Agasa the first person to know he was shrunk who upon hearing the whole story recommended that Shinichi adopt a new identity and not tell anyone in case it put them in danger. On the whole I'm really enjoying it, the only problem for me is that I'm up to volume 28 of 74, which is a lot, and I get quite annoyed that he's still stuck as a little kid. 
I talked to my counsellor and we agreed that since fanfic was a category I can totes(great english I know) write fanfic since it's what I'm comfortable with for NaNoWriMo, I have eleven days to write a 50,000 word fanfic and submit it. It's a little exciting and a little terrifying, but I do a lot of good work under pressure so once I put my mind to it I should (hopefully) be alright, my only problem is that I'm horrid at concluding stories I just kind of drag them on and on and on. Ah well nothing hurts from trying right? Right.
And yeah I think that's enough from me for today.

Currently Listening To: Taylor Swift- Holy Ground
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I like the word Twizzle... Is it an actual word? What does it mean? I like the way it sounds.

Knowing myself as I do I realise that there are somethings that I should not do. Contemplating philosophical ideologies on no sleep and a can of Rockstar, is most likely one of them.
But here I sit. Having spent the entire night spam reading fanfic about Dick Grayson and contemplating the dilemma of nature vs nurture.
My problem is this, I cannot accept that certain humans are preordained at birth by 'nature' to end up a certain way, I'll use an example to illustrate this, take Tom Riddle for example, I cannot accept that if upon his discovery he were removed from the orphanage where he was obviously not cared for properly, if he were placed in a magical home and taught that while he did not have to like muggles he could just avoid them as they have as much right to exist as he does, I cannot accept that if he were cared for and shown affection dare I say even love, that he would have still turned out to be Voldemort. I believe whole-heartedly that a persons entire life shouldn't be decided upon at birth that people will look back and say "Well he was going to end up that way anyway so why should I bother?" You should always bother!
That's not to say that I don't believe a persons innate self doesn't also affect them, I know I react in different ways to my friends and I suspect ever were we born to the same people and faced with the exact same situations that we wouldn't react the same. Who you are is also an important factor and it helps to classify how you'll react to the nurture aspect. And that in a nutshell is my problem, I can't see a way to reconcile these two, aloud at least, in my head they make perfect sense but aloud? Pfft. You gotta be kidding.
I firmly believe nurture to be extremely important I believe that effort and care can make all the difference but what about the people who are given all of that and still turn out to be psychos for lack of a better word, what does that mean for my belief? I just I can't accept that there are people who are innately evil but at the same time there are those in the world who do horrible despicable things and they've had all the opportunities to be better but they chose to be that way... because of their nature? Because that's who they are as people? 
And people wonder why I'm so confused by the human race and dislike people, I mean it's just annoying they can't make up their minds. Friggin philosophy it's doing my head in. Why do I decide to think about things like this on little sleep and caffeine? Honestly, well I suppose it could count as my incontrovertible proof of my own humanity I mean I'm just as confusing as the rest of the human race. B-Dizzle and I had a discussion earlier about whether I was actually an alien but we came to the conclusion that I couldn't be because I didn't have any legit abilities like Superman, I mean if you're going to be a kind of alien why not aim for the top, right? 
Ooh I just started thinking about the whole mind/body thing and I'm stopping now because I don't need my brain to implode one philosophical question per sleep deprived rambling thank you very much!
Hmm Right I'm returning to my fanfic now. Ta ta.

Currently Listening To: Lady Antebellum- Hello World
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Who am I? What am I? Do I actually exist? Or am I a self-aware figment of the imagination?

I have brought a Gym Ball. It's blue and bouncy and it took a while to blow up because I don't have a hand pump or good breath control.

My Counsellor has suggested that I join NaNoWriMo, so I'm going to hopefully write a 50,000 word novel this month.

Naruto finished... NARUHINA victory! YOSH! *Ahem* sorry I was just a little excited.

I dunno what my novels gonna be like, but I'm sure I'll think of something. Have to make Mind-maps and pretty character guides.

I walked to the library by myself yesterday so that counts as progress I think. I'm now reading a book called Big Ideas in Brief which is surprisingly handy. Thus far it's helped to explain quite a few philosophical ideas I've always had a little trouble understanding.

Talked to my Dad... still haven't called my Mum... I'm getting there alright don't judge me.

My Counsellor has suggested that when I start letting my nervousness get the better of me I ask "What am I going to lose by doing this?" Which is actually quite helpful advice, and is the reason that I've signed up for NaNoWriMo.

I'm soon to be alone in my lovely little flat as Pillow needs to return home for medical reasons and B-Dizzle is going overseas in celebration of aging.

I'm going to try making chocolate ganache tonight so that's something to look forward to. Mm chocolate.

Hm should I have several main characters with an overall plot made up of several smaller plots? Or just one big story, following one major character, that's what my opus is just one big story, I'd like to try something different, I should grab my Writing flash drive and have a look through it. New characters or already established characters? This world or another? I tend to write supernatural style so should I try one without it? Hmm. Mind-map time I think!

Farewell Oh Blog. Oh Brainstorming place

Currently Listening to: Nightcore- Remember the Name

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Naked is Naked. Nekkid is Naked and Up to Something.

Argh! Why must everything be so difficult!? Why?
I'm suppose to walk to at least my mail box everyday. Failed
Suppose to have gone to the Doctor now that I've finally changed Medical Centres. Failed.
I was suppose to destress this year. That's definitely failed.
I'm suppose to pay Pillow back, suppose to save my money, suppose to buy all these things! Argh I hate money! It makes everything difficult.
And then there's my computer, it won't play Sims anymore, it doesn't read cds anymore, it can't be unplugged, it doesn't pick up that it has a battery, the charger cord is starting to wear, it can't handle any advanced software, any game I try and play just dies.
I meant to call my Mum on Thursday... that failed, so I said I'd call her on Saturday... Failed. I'm just terrible and keeping contact with people.
I couldn't sleep in my bed last night so I slept on the couch, to clarify there was nothing wrong with my bed I just couldn't sleep there, no particular reason, I just couldn't.
Then there's the amount of sugar I consume in a week, I bought four blocks of chocolate on Thursday. There's not even a quarter of the last block left. Not even a quarter!
I'm feeling blah lately, I dunno what's wrong. I can't write, I get bored, my computer can't handle doing anything strenuous oh Batman my computer's an elderly person.
I feel out of step with my flatmates. They both have exams and I don't so I forget that they have to study and do things. I'd feel better if I had something to do, really just something that would distract me without requiring me to leave my house and interact with people. I really don't do well when interacting with people.

Anyway enough with my complaints.

Here's what I've been up to.
I watched a new anime called Tokyo ESP it was quite good, the style was interesting and the storyline was cool. I've watched all but the latest episode of Sword Art Online 2, the fangirling, oh the fangirling.
Pillow got me started playing a new online game with her called Path of Exile which she says was designed by New Zealanders, so that's cool, that is also where the complaining about the computer comes in though. My character is a Duelist, he uses two swords (for the most part sometimes I equip him with an axe or a cleaver instead) and be slashes at stuff which helps for venting pent up aggression.
I've read fanfic.
I've slept, failed in sleeping, napped, become sleep deprived and all the joy that comes along with my ever delightful sleeping issue.
Oh that adds another thing I've failed at: Go to bed every night at 10. Failed.
Ooh when we first moved in: Walk around the block to keep healthy everyday. Failed.
Ah well.
What else, well I heard from my Dad which is what sparked my need to call me mother. 
I painted my nails, did my washing, cleaned my room.
I've eaten almost all of a packet of those toppa lasagnes, there are quite a few in there and I have single handedly demolished them.
Oh and we had Breakfast Day.

I want to set up my Quote Wall, and to paint, so that's something to think about.

Currently Listening To: Cobra Starship ft Icona Pop- Never Been In Love
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